Well, my friends, time for an update from the land of ice and.well, less snow than Massachusetts usually. They don’t use salt or anything here so the roads and sidewalks are just ice, ice, ice. They pay hearty workers young and old to chip the ice away little by little to clear paths for walking. Otherwise just stay on the balls of your feet and wear good boots. That said, I’ve fallen twice already and sprained a wrist but it’s all better now. Not bad I guess for such a long winter! Anyway the kids thought it was funny when I showed them how I fell trying to rush to catch up to a group of women crossing the main road here:) It’s a 4 lane road plus a trolley track and bus stop and I didn’t want to make the cars stop twice on ice! I always feel like frogger when I go down there.old Atari game (ya know even before Nintendo?) I told that to one of the workers who used to live in the U.S. and he said, “Wow you’re that old huh?” Ouch.
And on to the program. When I returned from Japan I met the new kids who had arrived and I had a warm reunion with the ones I had left. They are used to not depending on anyone and to having people come in and out of their lives, but they have not lost their excitement or affection when someone actually does return once they’ve left. Unfortunately our other American volunteer has gone home because of a lack of the funding that was promised from the mission. We came here to eventually establish a center where the kids could sleep and, unfortunately, at this point that looks impossible.
I am trying with my time left to make sure that what we’ve begun will continue, and hopefully grow, with Russians taking the lead. What we have kept reminding ourselves these past few weeks is that these kids were cold and hungry when we came here and now they are warm and eat nutritious meals every day. We have shown them what it is like to have someone be involved in your daily life, caring about what happens to you, how you feel, if you are sick, what you think about and what you dream about. That’s what always gets me the most, is that they come to me with their stories of what has happened to them that day. Many times it is horrifying like an axe fight out of town with some other kids, the police who burned their “shelter”, or which kids got caught and beat up by the police this time.
Oftentimes though it’s sweet, like Slava showing me his new student ID that he’s so proud of, or asking, like he did today, if I want to see his marks and then going through each of his notebooks page by page with a big grin to show me the high numbers he’s getting in his subjects. Little Dima came to me b/c he cut his finger helping me chop onions. When I put a bandaid on I almost cried because he was so receptive and I realized, they know. They know that this is how it should be. Sometimes it’s intuitive and sometimes it’s because when their mothers are not drunk they are good mothers, and they do these little things. Katya showered and then curled up and slept at the apartment today because she felt sick. I took her temperature and gave her some medicine and juice and checked on her now and then. Andre meanwhile hung out with me and the interpreter in the kitchen, just sitting there talking away because there was someone to listen. Slava had missed the cafeteria lunch because he was at school so I cooked him up some sausage and pasta and of course Andre then had a second lunch (no Mari, not second breakfast) because, well, he’s a teenage boy! These are our days here, and they are bittersweet.
The question that has been working on me since I came to Russia is, “How do you help people who feel that change is impossible and who have no drive to help themselves?” Some of these kids really have tried to get their passports and get jobs, but have been burned by the system (red tape anyone?) and are now discouraged and hopeless. Some, however, just don’t see that anything more is possible. It is at times very difficult to find Russians with initiative or vision and, after the repressive climate of the Stalin years, one can understand why. For many, initiative meant death, and for others, their spirit was defeated or scared into hiding and this attitude in certain places seems to have been passed on to the next generation. So, I’m not sure how many kids we can really help in a concrete way. You cannot force someone to dream, or to try over and over again until they succeed. There is also the problem of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) and FA Effects (FAE) and I am now convinced that many of our kids suffer from this which has many ramifications on what kind of goals will be realistic for us to expect from them.
Despite all of this, we are optimistic, and are grateful that we have a chance to positively affect even a few. And I have found great meaning in binding wounds (there are a lot of those!) and giving hugs and cooking meals with love and a small budget. For those who know of my great culinary experience ha ha, just imagine me cooking for 10 – 20 people on Saturday and Sunday! I’ve come to adore buckwheat. Healthy,quick and filling! The boys found my album the other day in the apt. and discovered I am a singer, albeit a religious one! They think I should sing with their pop idols here to which I said nyet spaceeba. (no thanks) It was cute but toooorturous to have them play my CD while I was cooking, but two good things came of it: they said they couldn’t believe I was here with them so I think it made them feel important, and they found out that most of the music I do is solely for God, which I hope planted a seed.
They have lately begun to ask me if I am leaving too, which breaks my heart. The thought of never seeing them again is something I can’t even think about, and I just pray that their lives will only get better from here. Maxim is one of the boys who is constantly giving me hope for the others. He has had a job since I met him, even if it meant standing in the bitter cold for 12 hours a day as a guard outside a local store. He hardly gets paid anything for these jobs, but he is now able to pay rent to live in a friend’s apt. and he comes to eat with us. He has a ready smile.just a super cheerful guy who is grateful for each meal, each tablet of cold medicine, and each word of encouragement.
Some of the other boys have now gotten their passports to try to get jobs like his. I just found out yesterday that he wants to be a chef (yikes and he’s been eating my cooking?!) and is trying to earn enough money to go to a school here where in a matter of months he can get a certificate. We are going to help him pay the tuition. He has a connection on a navy boat and has been promised a job once he graduates. We have also just helped Vova sign up for a school which will, in 6 weeks, give him a certificate for operating a forklift, and he also has a job lined up. It’s been a very full and important 3 months since I returned so thank you again to all those who helped me get to Japan for my new entry visa.
On that happy note I will sign off. Sigh. We went and walked on the sea (actually the bay) the other day, which was frozen. For all you worriers, no we didn’t go out that far:) It was very cool, however, to see snow as far as the eye could see, and the only way you could tell it was water was because of the boats harbored! One of the few times I felt like I was really in Russia. So, happy spring!
Love, Erin
p.s. my roommate and I are still trying to get that women’s support center up and running before we leave so for those who are helping raise funds, please give us an update on how it’s going so we can let our dream director know we want her!
