Lately I’ve been reflecting on how to keep consistently pursuing holiness while simultaneously cutting myself some slack. This daily striving to be a better version of oneself (especially as a perfectionist) can easily become just another thing we “have” to do, a constant pressure to fight our fallen nature and die to ourselves, or even something we do to meet our own standards. It’s so easy to forget that growing in holiness is supposed to be a beautiful journey with God, an exciting adventure where we learn how to love Him and be like Him, so that we can ultimately be with Him forever.
But I know that I, for one, am often distracted so much by my own striving (which always involves some failure), that I forget to rely on God. I grit my teeth, subconsciously push down any feelings of discouragement or pressure, and barrel ahead, until finally, everything hits the fan, and I realize that once again, I was trying to do this thing called life on my own. I let it all build up until I hit bottom and wonder when I stopped clinging to God, and reverted instead to the default of my own oh-so-limited strength.
And don’t we all do this from time to time? We take various detours, turning our backs on the One who only wants to love us and help us. We abandon the adventure because we’re just plain tired, and we opt for something that seems “safer” and less all-consuming. We forget that we are actually helpless without the Lord, and we subconsciously think it will be easier if we just put getting holy on “pause” so we can just keep our heads above water. But it’s not easier; in fact, it only makes things worse.
Why do we do this? Why is it so difficult to remember that we have a God who loves us, who is always right there with us every step of the way, who is ready at any moment to shower us with grace and mercy? Why can’t we just remain happily aware that we don’t have to do this on our own?! The answer is simple: we are in a battle and one of the best tactics of the enemy is to use distraction, our own forgetfulness and tendency towards the “easy way out,” and the discouragement that assails us when we see how far we’ve fallen.
Fortunately, today’s gospel has a solution. The crowd asks Jesus, “What can we do to accomplish the works of God?”
We ask along with them, “Lord, how can I accomplish Your work in my life? What can I do to stay close to You?”
Jesus responds, “This is the work of God, that you believe in the one he sent. (Jn. 6:28-29). Jesus goes on to reveal exactly what He wants them (and us) to believe: “I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me will never hunger, and whoever believes in me will never thirst. … I am the living bread that came down from heaven; whoever eats this bread will live forever; and the bread that I will give is my flesh for the life of the world” (Jn. 6:35, 51). We know that Jesus is speaking here about His true presence in the Eucharist.
When we are hungry, when we are thirsty, broken down and bone-weary, all we have to do is come to Jesus. In His great mercy, He has remained with us in the Holy Eucharist, until the end of time. Even if we can’t get to Mass every day, or go to Adoration every time we need a little boost, we can still unite ourselves to Him in the Eucharist by frequent acts of spiritual communion. We have unlimited access to our God — the significance of this is staggering!
The spiritual disciplines that we try to stay faithful to are good, and we should never abandon them completely, because we are soldiers, and these are the very things that will help keep us focused and moving forward in this battle. But when we are in need of rejuvenation or “medical” attention, it’s ok to just take ten, hide ourselves in Jesus’ Eucharistic Heart, and let the Divine Physician breathe the fragrance of His peace into our chaos. It seems so fitting that when talking about God’s mercy, Pope Francis frequently refers to the Church as a “field hospital.”
This is the type of “pausing” we ought to be doing, not putting a hold on getting holy by giving into distractions or escaping into other things, but rather, taking little breaks with Jesus along the way that rejuvenate us for the road ahead. And besides being more than ok, this is necessary for our continued well-being. If we truly want to remain disciplined with our daily goals, we need to start by consistently staying close to Jesus in this way, and always seeking His mercy, even in the little things.
My father just recently found a great quote from St. Margaret Mary that sort of sums up this way of living: “Go forward, forget yourself, and let our Lord act, for He loves you.” This week, join me in continuing forward with joy on this journey, forgetting ourselves and remembering God, and responding to His love to the best of our ability, trusting in His strength and grace to nourish us.
