The other night I couldn’t fall asleep because my mind was so full. There’s been a lot of those nights lately. I began thinking about how I hadn’t really made time to pray at all that day and wondered what I could do to help myself be more consistent with prayer. Then I realized that since we are still settling into our new place, I hadn’t yet set up an actual prayer space. Getting excited, I started planning it all out in my mind: a little altar, with a candle or two, and of course, an image or statue of our Lady there somewhere, and a picture of Jesus in the center.
But this posed a problem for me: what image of Jesus would I want to look at that would draw me into a time of personal prayer and conversation with Him? Most portrayals of Jesus in art don’t really look like an actual, flesh and blood person, and certainly don’t bring to mind the God-man I have dedicated my life to and have a deep relationship with. The only image of the Lord I could think of that would maybe help me remember Him in this personal way is one that I was given at a women’s retreat years ago, dubbed “the handsome Jesus”:
I love this picture, but as I envisioned it sitting on my little altar, it still felt like something was missing. What came to mind then was a crucifix, but I almost immediately dismissed that idea, imagining the many unattractive depictions of Christ on the Cross, and thinking to myself, “who wants to look at a crucifix every day?”
I started abruptly at that thought, suddenly wide awake, as I realized its significance.
“Who wants to look at a crucifix?”
The truth is, regardless of bad art, I don’t want to look at the Cross because it reminds me of suffering and frankly, I don’t want to suffer. I want to live the easy life, have nice things, be able to spend money on myself and others, eat good food, drink good wine, have lots of friends … in essence, enjoy the things of the world.
Applying this to the spiritual life on earth, I want the Resurrection without the Crucifixion. Forget suffering, can’t we just skip to the glory of heaven? Didn’t Jesus suffer so we don’t have to? Doesn’t He want us to be happy? That would be a big, fat, triple “NO.” This kind of faith is fake, a “plastic Christianity”; one that is rooted in superficiality, not substance. Let me explain.
As the Church and many saints and theologians have said, there can be no Resurrection without the Cross. In our lives, we can’t claim the victory without first embracing the struggle; we can’t fully experience the glory without first accepting our share of Calvary.
And although there is nothing that says we shouldn’t take pleasure from earthly things, what I’m continually trying to remember is that they are only fleeting, only able to give momentary happiness because they reflect the beauty and goodness of the One, true Source of eternal joy; that I long for these things only because the pleasure I take in them offers a glimpse of the One who will fulfill my deepest yearning: God.
So no, we can’t just skip to the end, we’re supposed to live our earthly lives as a process of becoming holy, becoming like God so that we can share in His glory and be with Him forever. This is hard, and there is suffering involved. Whether or not we try to avoid it is up to us.
And although Jesus suffered for us, taking what should have been our punishment, we still live in the “vale of tears,” in a fallen world where sin, evil, and suffering exist — so until we die, as members of His Body, we are called to unite our earthly sufferings to His.
And finally (although there’s way more to this), no, Jesus doesn’t want us to be “happy,” because happiness is only temporary; He wants us to be His, because He knows that only intimacy with Him will bring us lasting joy.
Because really, Christianity is not made of plastic, it’s made of blood, sweat, and tears. It’s not pretty or attractive, and it’s not about “I”, it’s about Him. It’s about getting messy, and doing whatever it takes to remember His sacrifice, His suffering, His love. This Christianity is stirring, it’s inspiring, it’s relevant. As one writer puts it,
“… the true faith is one that rebels against our culture, challenges us to endure the hardships of life and the hatred of our peers, eviscerates our apathetic nature, interferes with our plans, commands us to confront our sins, and generally makes everyone very uncomfortable. It’s a dangerous, terrifying, beautiful, joyful, harrowing, redemptive thing. It’s real. A blazing wildfire that will consume and purify the entire world.”[1]
So I guess my question is no longer, “What do I want?” but rather, “Am I willing?”
- Am I willing to accept the un-handsome, marred, beaten, and bloody Jesus
who died for me? - Am I willing to shed a “plastic Christianity” for the real deal, the unpredictable, challenging, yet glorious and beautiful faith?
- Am I willing to become more and more detached from my worldly desires,
looking instead toward eternal joy? - Am I willing to embrace my small sufferings and unite them to the Lord’s?
- Am I willing to gaze upon Christ crucified every day?
You betcha.
