I have been home for the past week in the Berkshires, and what a glorious week it has been! Even though I now live in North Carolina, which is starting to feel like home, there is really nothing quite like going back to the place where I grew up, sleeping in my old room, hearing all the familiar sounds of my childhood, driving through my favorite haunts, seeing family and friends.
Over the weekend, my father and I were privileged to sing at the wedding of two dear friends, Lewis and Michelle. The day before they got married was the solemnity of the Sacred Heart of Jesus, and the day of the wedding was the feast of the Immaculate Heart of Mary. Lewis was one of the first Marian Missionaries of Divine Mercy, an incredible group of young men under the patronage of Our Lady, dedicated to bringing the love and mercy of Christ to the poor and forgotten. The wedding itself was beautiful, but the days leading up to the ceremony were probably the most grace-filled wedding preparation I have ever experienced.
Each day there was Mass in the small chapel at the missionaries’ residence, an old historic inn situated on the banks of the Housatonic River. Throughout the week, Fr. Michael Gaitley, the chaplain for the group, focused his homilies on the mercy of the Lord, and encouraged all of us, especially Lewis and Michelle, to ask for all the mercy and graces that others don’t ask for.
When we celebrated Mass for the Sacred Heart of Jesus, Fr. Michael brought our attention to the fountain of mercy: the Blood and Water flowing from the pierced Heart of Jesus. He said that although so much of it fell to the ground, it doesn’t have to be wasted; we can ask for any and all of that Divine mercy, and also for our Blessed Mother’s intercession, that she would “catch” those graces for us, prevent them from falling to the ground, and give them to us as we need them.
And so this week, I asked. I asked for as much mercy as I could receive; I prayed for those graces to flow from the Heart of Jesus into my own heart. This is relatively new to me … not the concept of asking for mercy and grace, but the asking. Because, you see, I don’t like asking for help, even from the Lord. I prefer to just power through things. I’ve never thought that I could do everything completely on my own, because we all need grace to become holy, but in my prideful independence, asking the Lord for extra help doesn’t usually cross my mind. And if it does, I think to myself, “There are so many other people who need mercy more than I do, I’m not suffering that much … I ought to be able to function without bothering the Lord for help all the time.” After all, who wants to be the whiny, needy child?
And, if I’m being totally honest, when I do ask the Lord for mercy, usually I have a specific idea in my mind of what form that mercy should take. But the majority of the time, the mercy God ends up giving me doesn’t look like what I wanted it to. There’s that pride again, thinking I know what’s best for my soul!
But this week was different. This week I was able to really acknowledge and accept my “spiritual neediness” and let go of all expectations (which was a grace in itself!). At my earnest request, the Holy Spirit and Our Lady held my heart wide open, and the Lord just kept giving me grace after grace, covering my brokenness with His great mercy, blessing me in ways I could never have imagined.
Incredibly deep and meaningful conversations with family, friends, and strangers, many opportunities (and a purified desire) to serve, an immense welling up of gratitude for those around me, a renewed joy in so many things, and feeling more myself than I have in a long time … these are just a few of the ways the Lord gifted me with grace and mercy during this time, and He’s not finished with me yet. He is so gentle and kind to me, despite my pride and lack of trust — how could I ever forget this?
This beautiful week, with all the comforts of being home, the experiences of the wedding, and being able to open my heart to receive all the graces during this time, has been a great reminder to me to never stop hoping, to never lose my trust in God’s mercy — and to keep believing that He longs to give me mercy in abundance, if only I will ask.
Wherever you are in your life right now, if you aren’t already asking the Lord for mercy, start. If this is already something you do, ask for more. As Fr. George Kosicki always liked to say, “It’s ok to be greedy for grace!” Together let us be true children of the Father and run to Him in our every need.
“Ask, and it will be given to you.”
Matthew 7:7
