I’ll be honest. Thanksgiving is this week and I just don’t feel like being thankful. I know I should be … I can tell myself that I’ve got it good, that there are others who are worse off, that I have so many things, people, and opportunities to be thankful for. I can even make a list of all these things (which ought to inspire thankfulness in me) and I can stare at that list and still — nothing. So, I am left feeling sorry for myself and also with a sense of guilt because my mind whispers that if I were really a “good Christian” I would feel like being thankful. But this is not true! Since when is the living of our faith centered on feelings?
This realization unceremoniously crashed my little pity party. It helped me acknowledge that I need to stop dwelling on my failure to live up to my projected image of what a “good Christian” looks like. To some extent we all have these images that we try to live up to, and for those of us who are perfectionists, it’s especially painful when we don’t meet the expectations we’ve set for ourselves. But we can’t dwell in our failures, because they do not define us; the grace with which we pick ourselves back up again is what truly reveals our character. And we don’t get this grace on our own, we get it from Jesus.
Once I realized that dwelling on my failures is counter-productive, I also recognized that it’s not helpful to focus on my guilt either. While it’s not wrong to feel a little guilty about our lack of thankfulness — it’s good to be aware when we’ve missed the mark — thinking too much about our guilt (and our failures) is a form of self-absorption. This is what is at the core of the struggle to be thankful. It is crucial to find the balance between thinking about our faults in this self-absorbed way and simply acknowledging our sins, repenting, and moving on.
The good news is that we can use our failures and our feelings of guilt to help us on our way. If you trip and fall into the mud, do you really want to stay there? No, of course not! Every fall is an opportunity to rise! Even if we lack the strength, Christ is always right there beside us, stretching out His hands to lift us to our feet, to wash us clean, and to help us begin afresh. If we can remember this, then our falls can simply be another way to remind us of the Lord’s mercy. We must be like the one leper who, realizing he had been cleansed, fell at the feet of Jesus and thanked Him. We, too, have been cleansed by this loving God, and if nothing else, that alone is cause enough to be thankful.
And remember, what is most important is your decision to practice gratitude, to “give thanks in all things.” (“In all circumstances give thanks, for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus.”[1]) It’s not necessary to “feel” some overwhelming surge of gratitude each time. God is pleased with our act of thanksgiving whether we “feel” it or not. We have control over our will, not our feelings. We must continually choose thankfulness, because not only is a grateful disposition God’s will for us, but it is the only appropriate response to His goodness. (“Let us give thanks to the Lord our God.” “It is right and just.”[2])
So for anyone who this week might be struggling with feeling thankful, don’t give up! Even if the feelings aren’t there, join me in making a decision, right now, to find things to be thankful for; to call to mind the great kindness and mercy God has for each of us, despite our failings; and to come out of ourselves in some way to extend God’s mercy and compassion to those around us — and sometimes that will mean extending it to ourselves as well. A lack of “feeling grateful” can actually be just a symptom of a little sadness or depression. God may want to bring you out of yourself by having you focus on others, or He may want you to sit and let Him love you — maybe a little of both; ask Him.
Top 5 Ways to Cultivate Thankfulness This Week:
5. Pick one or two people in your life and make a list or think of all the reasons why you love each one. Using this list, write them a little note or tell them face to face how they have made a difference in your life. This is a great way to be other-focused while simultaneously reminding yourself to be thankful.
4. When you’re going about your daily tasks (driving in the car, working, interacting with people) be conscious of your “corners”: the corners of your mouth and eyes. Try to remind yourself to lift your eyes and lips and make a concerted effort to smile more frequently. This helps you AND the people around you, trust me! The more you smile, the more things you will find to smile about.
3. Hug someone at least once this week. And I mean a real, two-arms wrapped all the way around the person kind of hug. Even if you’re not the most “huggy” person, it’s amazing what this kind of physical contact with another person can do for the spirit. Don’t skip this one, it really helps — ask for a hug from someone if you have to!
2. Treat yourself this week to some little thing that makes you really happy. This could be doing something that you enjoy but don’t do often, going somewhere that speaks to your soul, or even eating something yummy that you don’t have on a regular basis. In my case, this would be reading a good fantasy fiction book or watching a Gene Kelly movie, spending some extra time in Adoration or walking in the woods, or splurging on some coconut milk ice cream or a nice bottle of wine 🙂 This is a great opportunity to slow down and remember to appreciate the little things in life.
1. Listen to this song and see if you don’t get right up out of your chair and start dancing. If you don’t feel your anxieties melting away and aren’t grinning like a fool by the time the song is over, listen to it again. Feel free to listen to any other happy songs that you love; whatever lifts your spirit.
“And now, bless the God of all, who
has done wondrous things on earth;
Who fosters people’s growth from their mother’s womb, and fashions them according to his will!
May he grant you joy of heart and may peace abide among you.”Sirach 50: 22-24
[1] 1 Thessalonians 5: 18
[2] Sursum Corda (Preface to the Eucharistic Prayer)
